If there’s one thing that can be said with certainty, it’s that President Donald Trump has ruined Easter for all Americans.

Despite near-constant campaign promises that he would swiftly lower the price of groceries ‒ namely eggs, a rather key component in Easter egg hunts ‒ Trump has failed. Eggs hit a record high of $6.23 a dozen in March.

Perhaps the president has been too busy wrongfully deporting people to barbaric Central American prisons or dehumanizing transgender children to notice that eggs are so pricey they should be rebranded as “Semi-Precious Protein Ovoids.”

An Easter egg hunt with … potatoes? Thanks a lot, Trump

These recent headlines tell you all you need to know about the egg on Trump’s face:

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Good job voting for Trump. Now get out there with the kids and tell them to enjoy their Easter potato hunt! Maybe later they can come inside for some scrambled nothing and a side of brightly colored hash browns.

Opinion: You color, hide eggs for Easter. Farms like ours are struggling to provide them.

Trump makes false claims about egg prices, lies about groceries

It’s bad enough that Trump somehow managed to Grinch a non-Christmas holiday. But the Easter Scrooge doesn’t even have the decency to admit it.

Taking questions in the Oval Office on April 17, Trump said, “The prices of groceries are substantially down,” which is absolutely not true.

He went on to say: “Happy Easter, everybody. … And we did an unbelievable job, and now eggs are all over the place, and the price went down 92%.”

That’s also very not true. Just go to your local grocery store and ask where they keep the 92%-cheaper eggs President Trump said are available. See how that goes. Maybe while you’re there, you can pick up some extra potatoes.

Opinion: Trump babbles his way through doing a bad job and the polling proves we know it

Some tips on surviving Easter after Trump ruined it

If you’re a Trump supporter, you should consider hiding your MAGA merchandise and having the kids hunt for that outside. (Given the egg price situation and the market-demolishing tariffs and the whole “wrongfully deporting people” thing, you might want to hide that merch anyway, if we’re being honest.)

If you’re a person who sat this election out because you didn’t like either candidate, you can print out the current status of your 401(k) and then dye those papers in a variety of festive colors. Then you can stick them in your ear and think a little bit about what you’ve done.

If you’re someone disgusted by Trump and his empty promises and Easter-ham-handed destruction of the federal government, you can have the kids go out and see if they can find any Trump supporters. Most of them will presumably be hiding.

Whoever finds one gets the fanciest prize of all: one real egg!

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk